.... where the hell do I even begin?
Essentially, I'm writing this journal today as an open apology to everyone. To my friends, and my few remaining fans or followers, I just want to write this to get some crap off my chest publicly as to why I haven't really been around much since around the last year or so. Around September'ish of last year I ended up slowly taking steps away from art and doing stuff in general online and socially. Mostly at the time it was because my grades were slipping and I ended up going full swing into taking as many college courses as I could. That accompanied with having a job most weeks I'd get maybe an hour or so of downtime for myself to work on art. Another part was just I was genuinely getting burnt out at the time. I had told myself towards the end of 2014 when me and my friends at Everfree Network were going to part ways that I would finally get back into focusing on just making art for myself again. I ended up joining two other convention staffs for a few different spots and stayed in the constant work mode. Now don't get me wrong, while it was work I did learn a shit ton and I did meet some people on a certain team that I still consider family. I think after I came back from my last convention in 2015 I just realized how much little time I had actually put into my art here for people who were still hoping I would return. On top of it all I know I had some people that were patiently waiting for me to get some downtime for me to get around to actually working on some art for them as well.
So when 2016 started and I had like a week or two in between college semesters I tried getting back into an art groove again. My biggest problem was that nothing I was making genuinely didn't feel good enough for me. I was basically in a horrible art block and ended up getting to a point where I almost wanted to give up. I was frustrated that even though I was able to fart out a few things for some horse conventions that looked decent, that I still wasn't able to get myself to make something out of my own free will that I liked. So I tried most of my usual methods to get myself out of an art block and still nothing was working.
Which brings me to my next point. I really do not want to get into too much detail, mostly because the only people who fully know it are the only ones I want to fully know about it. I'm gonna stop sugarcoating things and just tell everyone I was dealing with mild depression. I'm not sure where or when it exactly started, but somehow it was causing me problems. Most people who follow me over on Twitter may have noticed I might have been a bit more moody this year, and looking back at some things I did or said WOAH MAN I WAS GOING THROUGH SOME ISSUES. This is just where I wanna say I'm deeply sorry if I sort of fell out of contact socially with some friends. There's really not an easy way for me to explain it, I just couldn't physically or mentally get myself to want to interact socially with other people.
Regardless, I did seek help and it did eventually work for me. My only advice to anyone dealing with depression would be to seek help. Don't be like me and refuse to seek it cause you don't have a desire for others to try and help. My opinion is that I'm still sort of dealing with it, but I'd say I'm doing a hell of a lot better than I was months ago.
On top of all of this, earlier this year one of my grandparent's health started to decline at a horrible rapid rate. The biggest problem was that she wasn't even that old. It was a huge shock to me and my family and its still effecting us to this very day. It goes w/o saying, but obviously family will come first over horse fandom things. To things I may have dropped the ball on in the last few months since that happened I am sincerely sorry again. The only reason why I'm publicly talking about this particular situation is that her health is still declining rapidly. If there is for any reason in the future where I basically go black from the internet and I'm not online for a couple of weeks, just understand I myself am okay. I might just have some urgent family issues
So to put things simply as a whole, 2016 has been a messed up year for me. I'm almost 100% certain the ways I may have acted, things I might have said, or just my lack of being around has caused some people to leave. I just wanted to put this out there to say that basically, I'm sorry for not really being around and possibly acting like an asshole. I'm going to try to bite my tongue on more things in the fandom and the world in general and just go back to being a chill dude who uploads some art every now and then.
I don't really want to make any promises as to when I'll upload some new art again. I'm not leaving horses by any means, but I may upload something different every now and then under this alias as I've done a number of times before. I have been working on some new stuff and things have slowly been improving again, as some of you might have seen my other recent journals.